This life is bittersweet.
I chased perfection, both in myself and others.
I caused harm. I unleashed a hideous side of myself and I spiraled downwards.
I tried to help others when I couldn’t even help myself.
This blog documents so much.
I could dig up the past and write paragraph after paragraph of the mistakes I made.
My heart hurts and longs. It’s overwhelming, yet I know what needs to be done.
Here and now is all I have.
I feel a sense of loneliness sometimes. I might feel this way for a while, really.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not depressed at all. It’s just a funny time in my life. I live on my own, I am a quiet student with a few familiar faces I know at school now, etc.
I am happy in the sense that I know that, no matter what, I truly always have myself.
What a beautiful thing that is to realize. And to really, fully realize.
I’ll pray and pray…for a power greater than me in the universe to stay with me throughout.
Answers, feelings coming more clear now.
I know what needs to be done.
I know the mistakes I made and I am going to try to never repeat them with all my might.
Social pressure to “do this”, “do that” won’t interfere with my decision.
Happiness is the goal. My dream will never be crushed, and other people’s disapproval or rejection of it will never crush it. Simply continue forth.
People are not medicine. It all comes from within when on the path to healing or bettering yourself.
It has been a terrifying journey to begin, but now there is light and colour in my life. The key to living my life right now: No rushing, try to cause little harm, and focus on myself (school, hobbies, personal goals). I think this is how I can be better for others.
There is such thing as “vaguebook” facebook updates, well, this is vaguetumblr blogging.
is it too late.
Each day going to the language centre to help students with their English, and in turn to receive help with my Japanese, brings me so much joy. It’s something I look forward to each day after school. It really brightens up my life to make these connections.
I really enjoy the history course I am taking, too. Once I get home today, it is time to crack down yet again with memorizing and reading.
Quizes and tests this week! I must try my best.
My interests are coming back to me…never thought they would.
You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
Damnit coldplay, it’s 4am and I shouldn’t start worrying about life now. The future will be as it is. I can’t sleep though…time to raid the hamper. The hamper at my place now consists of apples or bananas. I tried those “skinny cow” bars (lol @ the name of them) and I swear they must be not as healthy as people rave.
sharing an umbrella with someone seems cute but in practice it is 100% horrible and you both end up getting angry and wet